happy and at peace

The last details of the shower are getting finished. I have center pieces done, games planned, most of the party favors done, now for the food and cake. I've never done one by myself before so I hope everything goes well. I guess my cards were a hit though. :)

I feel so much better now that I have finished my last blog. Not to keep bringing up that sad subject but it really is a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. And the more I step back and let go the more I realize just how good it is that I decided to do that and how some people just like to bully and justify themselves to the end. I even heard they're still arguing with each other about facts that aren't even the least bit accurate and whatever else. I think that proves without a doubt that they're only interested in hearing themselves argue because for whatever reason it makes them feel better about themselves. I don't know if I'll ever understand what happened, but maybe it's not for me to understand. It really did give me a lesson in self appreciation though, trust, and knowing who your friends are. I've never felt more confident and at peace. I'm worried about myself and my family and not defending myself or letting myself be placed in that "victim" role by other people to get judged and critiqued. I am a perfectionist at heart and have always strived for that in everything I do and I really think that sucked a lot of energy out of me and pain that could have been used on things that are actually important to worry about. Why care what people think about you who are biased and close minded to begin with? Why even use any superficial things or things out of your control to judge yourself? It's not about money, or status, or anything of the sort. I know I am a wonderful mother, wife, and friend. I have a wonderful marriage, a roof over my head, food, a beautiful daughter, a few friendships that are the most wonderful thing to have, and family. I am so blessed and I am not going to let little petty things ruin that. I have before and it accomplishes nothing, does nothing. They are so many people that are in my shoes or in similar circumstances which I didn't realize before and that it's normal. I guess I didn't realize this paragraph was getting this long and for those that are still reading it, congrats. Lol. But to sum it up I am finally happy, at peace, and really ready to move on with my life with so many things and put my energy to where it really matters.

Well, the moving thing has been a little bit frustrating. Now we're going to stay in forks for a couple of months and then move back to DL. So just long enough to not bother hanging up frames or getting quite comfy enough to feel at home. As grateful I am to my parents for letting us stay with them, it's been hard too not to have your own space. It's just the constant 4 days in DL, 3 in GF that is starting to wear thin. It's kind of like you're in this state of limbo and just waiting. And I hate waiting, I like acting, doing. But Amadon's got his job and schooling plan until 2008 which will be really exciting. Starting that year he has a new thing in the guard where he's going to get trained to do some electrical work (this would be so much better if Amadon said this but I think you'll get the jist of it) that he'll do for a couple of years and then use that training in the civilian world to get a really good job. When he told me the pay, my mouth just hung open. Not that, that's what's really important. But after being broke for so long, it's nice to possibly have that. And I know from being where we are at that we would really use that money in the best ways we could and hopefully start or donate to an organization to help people.

I'm still a little unsure of what to do with schooling. I'm not sure what town I'm going to be living in, or my working and daycare schedule so I'm just taking a semester off for now and hopefully we'll figure something out.

I suppose I better go and get ready for the day.